To all the mushy films, the soppy statuses and the couples joined at the hip, I want you to witness my middle finger flicked up towards you. You see that? That is the finger of freedom. That is something you have long forgotten. And I want you to know that I don’t envy your “love”.
Nope. I’m not a cynic (okay, maybe a little) but I think we spend far too long yearning for someone else to “complete” us. Like, the world doesn’t turn unless you have a significant other to do it with. WRONG. You may not have realised, but you are your own person! Your life is as you live it, and only you can set out the journey. If you choose to rely on someone else to lead the way, then watch yourself say hello to the relationship rut.
Being in a relationship is not an excuse for someone else to take the reins just because you have no idea how to be happy on your own. It is a unity of people who – during their journey of self-discovery – know everything about their own identity and are happy in their own skin. They don’t need each other. They want to be together because they work well together. They don’t complete one another. They are who they are and have made the strongest bond one can form, but without dependency.
However, if you’re like me and haven’t found anyone like that, then chill! It’s okay. I mean, I don’t worry about what anyone thinks or says about me (not for long anyway) because I am who I am, and I would rather hang with myself forever more than be with some cling-on who relies on me to keep “us” alive. You know what? It’s bloody draining being the “leader”. And to me, that certainly isn’t “working together”. One way to avoid that happening is to be with someone who is as happy in their own skin as you are! But, “how do you find your identity?” I hear you cry! Follow these steps, use your freedom wisely, and enjoy getting to know yourself on a whole new level…
- Build your self-confidence (internally and externally)-Take this time to shed your Christmas pounds, go travelling, buy yourself something fancy. Whatever it is, make sure it enriches you from the inside out. Happiness is made through nourishing the mind and the body, so make sure you figure out what tickles your fancy and do it!
- Make a to-do list-Now is the freest you’ll ever be, so take advantage of it by experiencing every beautiful thing you’ve ever dreamed of. Whether that dream is as big as hiking Mount Everest, or on the smaller scale of ploughing through your favourite box set, you don’t have to answer to anyone – so indulge!
- Unglue yourself from your phone-I can’t stress enough the importance of this. But you need to stop relying on tech to give your free time some kind of purpose! Watching someone else do cool things should inspire you to do the same. So, if you like pieces of music you’ve heard or books you’ve read, then get your creative juices flowing, stretch your fingers and produce something of your own!
- Learn something new-Some of us need a little kick up the rump to generate some internal strength. So, the best way to motivate yourself is by learning a new skill. If you know what sets your heart racing, then find a side-line that encourages that. For instance, if you love reading fantasy books then take up a night school and see if you could create something of your own with a little expertise behind you. Your skills could take you to become a published author, or a scriptwriter, director; who knows! The world is your oyster.
- Focus on you- This is super important. Namely because, if you don’t love yourself (and I mean that in a non-touchy way…) then how can you expect anyone else to? Don’t be boring, be cool! If you’ve always wanted to achieve something, then go for it. Who’s stopping you? Only you. So, stop putting stuff off and start saying “YES” to opportunities that come your way. Feel proud of your accomplishments and relish in the opportunities you’ve taken.
One side-effect though…you may love being single so very much, that it’s going to take a stand-up person for you to want to relinquish it for. But you know what? If they are as awesome as you are, then that fear will soon be allayed. Remember, relationships only work if the couple is a team with mutual goals and enable one another to continue being the best of who they are without strain. Anything other than that and you’re at risk of sacrificing your awesomeness. So don’t let your efforts go to waste. Be happy! And when the time is right, everything else will fall into place.