To all the mushy films, the soppy statuses and the couples joined at the hip, I want you to witness my middle finger flicked up towards you. You see that? That is the finger of freedom. That is something you have long forgotten. And I want you to know that I don’t envy your “love”.
Nope. I’m not a cynic (okay, maybe a little) but I do think we spend far too long yearning for someone else to “complete” us. As if the world doesn’t turn unless you have a significant other to live it with.
You may not have realised this yet, but you are not defined by your relationships status – you are your own person! Your life is as you live it and only you can set out its course, and if you choose to rely on someone else to lead the way, then it won’t be long before you hit the relationship rut.
Being in a relationship is not an excuse for someone else to take the reins just because you have no idea how to be happy on your own. It is a unity of people who – during their journey of self-discovery – know everything about their own identity and are secure in their own skin. They don’t need each other. They want to be together because they work well together. They don’t complete one another. They are separate individuals who, when together, complement one another and do so without dependency.
However, if you still haven’t found anyone like that yet then, don’t worry! It’s okay. It shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says about that anyway because you are who you are. Plus, I know I’d much rather enjoy my own company forevermore than be stuck with some cling-on who relies on me to keep “us” alive. Because you know what? It’s bloody exhausting being the “leader.” And to me, that’s certainly a far cry from “working well” together.
One way to avoid that happening is to be with someone who is as happy in their own skin as you are.
But wait, how do you become that happy on your own?
To answer that, you have to begin your journey by following these steps. Then, using your freedom wisely in navigating the right direction, enjoy getting to know yourself on a whole new level…
- Build your self-confidence – Both internally and externally, take this time to shed those Christmas pounds, go travelling, do something daring or just buy yourself something new – whatever it is, make sure it enriches you from the inside-out. Happiness is made through nourishing both the mind the body, so figure out what tickles your fancy and just go for it. It may not be a quick fix, but the person that waits the other side of that transition is definitely someone you’ll want to meet.
- Make a to-do list – Now is the freest you’ll ever be, so take advantage of it by experiencing everything you’ve ever wanted to. Whether that dream is as big as hiking Mount Everest or as small as working your way through your favourite box set, fulfil that ambition! This is the first day of the rest of your life. So make it interesting!
- Unglue yourself from your phone – I can’t stress the importance of this enough but, you need to stop relying on tech to give your free time some kind of purpose. Watching someone else do cool things online (or offline) should inspire you to do the same. So if you like pieces of music you’ve heard or a series of books you’ve read, then get your creative juices flowing, stretch your fingers and produce something niche of your own. And if you’re not the flamboyant type, then just go out somewhere! Because square eyes aren’t going to get anybody’s pulse racing.
- Learn something new – Some of us need a little kick up the rump to generate some internal strength. So the best way to motivate yourself is by learning a new skill. If you know what sets your heart aflutter, then find a side-line that encourages that. For example, if you love how reading literary fiction makes you feel and have always dreamed of writing one of your own, then take up an evening class and see if you can gather the tools to start creating it. Your skills will open so many new doors. And even if they don’t take you to where you expected to be, you’ll have grown as an individual in the process. Whatever the outcome, know that the world is your oyster.
- Focus on you – This is super important. Namely because, if you don’t love yourself first then how can you expect anyone else to? Don’t be a moaning myrtle and create reasons as to why it’s too hard. Changes don’t always have to be big to be significant. If you’ve always wanted to achieve something, then start now. Who’s stopping you? Only you. So stop putting off until tomorrow what you can begin today and start saying “YES” to opportunities that come your way. Feel proud of your accomplishments and relish in the efforts you’ve taken to get there. This is the beginning of your story, so you best make sure that the protagonist leading it is someone you want to read about.
One side-effect though…
You may love being single so much that it’ll take a stand-up someone to make you want to relinquish it. However, if you take the time to get to know them and realise that they’re one of the good ones then there’s absolutely no doubt that fear will soon be allayed.
But remember: relationships only succeed if the couple works as a team with mutual goals and continuously enable one another to be the best of who they are without strain. Anything other than that and you’re at risk of sacrificing everything you’ve achieved.
Don’t let your efforts go to waste on a dingbat. You’ve worked too hard for that. Embrace the freedom, live for the now and when the time is right, everything else will fall into place.