Ironically, this coined expression from “Forrest Gump” is a very accurate one: People are considered to be whatever the outcome is of their actions. Therefore, if a person does or says “stupid” things, they are to be considered stupid.

If anyone has been reading the news lately, then you may have noticed a trend that encourages, in my opinion, a truckload of stupid. Like, if there was ever a stupid factory in Stupidsville, then this place would be chugging out a load of stupid, and this article is my way of writing an angry letter to the Chief Exec. of “Stupid R Us”.

Now, I’ll keep this article short, as it seems that most “smart” people have as much of an attention span as the bloke in the Barclays ad distracted by a squirrel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHUY6-30Tws <– for anyone who has no idea what I’m on about, check out the 6-second clip to satisfy your curiosity.

Firstly, are you sitting down comfortably? Can you feel your squidgy butt pressing nicely underneath you? Good. Then you are officially one step closer to that genius IQ! I am not being pervy on your arse, no. This rant is inspired by a study conducted by scientists at Oxford University claiming that women with a shapelier derriere are of higher intelligence. Now, I get that having a cherry butt is rockin’ and man, I squat myself silly and eat tons of protein in order to achieve this. HOWEVER, not much really happens with it and it still looks like a hapless vertical smile, but whatever. According to these science folks, women with bigger bums are more intelligent purely because it takes more omega 3 fats to form it, and these fats can catalyse brain development.

HOLD THE PHONE AND SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. Are you telling me that the likes of Kim Kardashian are smarter than someone like Marie Curie, just because she has a bigger arse???

You see my point, right? Yes, the omegas are like genius building blocks, but I do believe that someone’s intellect is dictated by what they say and do. Here, we have one woman famous for putting out a sex tape and calling her child “North”, and the other is the first female to have ever won a Nobel Prize in the field of science.

I reckon Marie would like to shove one of those Nobel Prize’s right up Kim K’s ridiculously large butt just to insult this stupid claim.

Anyway, moving on! Now, if you didn’t think things could intensify on the stupidity-scale, then think again. Allow me to introduce, Doctor Todd McElroy, the scientist who has put forward that lazier people are smarter…This conclusion was reached after a 3-year study had been conducted (it took 3 years to find this out? Tells me everything I need to know *cough* BULL***T *cough*)

To encourage a lack of productivity astounds me. Laziness, apathy and bone idle behaviours are never associated with achievements. Let’s imagine that those tracksuit bottom wearing Jeremy Kyle contestants – who are too lazy to even pick up a bloody toothbrush, remember who the father of their child is, or how to say “condom” without thinking there are 2 “m’s” in it – are the epitome of intelligence. By all means, that’s what it sounds like this study is suggesting we look for. I mean…I must be the stupid one because I am completely missing the link here.

One man says, “Lazy people are smarter. They have more things on their mind; they just don’t do it all at once.”

So, you’re telling me that someone of such high intellect has so many things they think about but they never show evidence of it coming into any fruition? That they bear no yearning for those thoughts to flourish? Yes, because that’s EXACTLY what smart people do. They sit on their gigantic arses, slobbing out in their onesies, watching repeats of Judge Rinder and procrastinating from all of those intense buzzing thoughts they do nothing with.

Case dismissed.