Half of me wants to leap out of bed at 5am, take a run during the morning sunrise, get home and shower before heading out to the local cafe to pick up a radioactive-looking smoothie, and then, as I make my way into work – where my desk has a panoramic view of the city skyline – I high 5 everyone in the building wearing a giant grin on my face.
But then I wake up.
This is a dream. That other half of me I mentioned, she’s in my head. She’s the girl I am inside but haven’t got the capacity to be right now, and that’s because the real half is too busy doing this…
Listening to the incessant meows of my cat at 5am. Putting on a random YouTube podcast at 6. Slumping into the bathroom by 7 because lying wide awake in bed is stupid. Looking at the 72-year-old woman staring back at me in the mirror, only to remember she’s actually 27. There is no run to watch the morning sunrise. My 10,000 steps a day begin with a seemingly perpetual trip up and down the stairs. And then, about an hour or so later, a rewarding cup of tea is made – the highlight of my morning – and upon that final glug, I set off for another day in the life of Repeatsville. Honest to God, sometimes, it just feels like my life is going nowhere.
And I’m actually awake right now. This isn’t a dream. It’s my reality. A stone-cold-sober nightmare reality.
And it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to change.
But then, serendipitously so, there are those other days that catch me by surprise.
I wake up and have a purpose. Despite sometimes feeling like I have “nothing to do” I find myself something to live for. Whether it earns me money or costs it, I know that if I want a good life then I have to invest in making it better. So I get up, get clean, put on something nice, make an effort with my makeup, eat a healthy breakfast and take off to a place that gets my heart racing with excitement. Come rain or shine, if it’s different, it makes a welcome change.
All I need to know now is when that change will be here to stay.
But, a bit like a long-distant relationship, nothing worth having ever comes easy. Not every day is going to be awesome, and that’s okay (well, it’s not. It’s damn frustrating. But as far as the process goes, it’s part and parcel.) Nevertheless, as long as we remain passionate about things and stay focused on what we want to do and can do with our time, we’ll always find something new to pique our interest. Which also means there will always be new opportunities that await us. With no two days ever the same, we can’t discard the fact that tomorrow might just be the one that changes everything.
Because, if the universe has a plan for us all then – somewhere along the timeline – it will fall into place.
So as much as I can appreciate that believing in a dream isn’t always easy, holding onto hope will keep it possible. Even if we don’t know how or when things will change, having this belief will make us stronger and keep us moving forward. Through all of our emotional grievances, we will continue to seek out new ways to get where we want to be. However much we may need to duck and dive in order to achieve that, there are always other routes around the obstacles we face.
But it’s up to us to find them.