Over and over again, I have fallen in love with men that don’t exist. I have found my ideal partner within the pages of a book, walking into focus on the big screen or singing softly in my ear. The mere thought of them makes my heart skip a beat. But, according to all of my friends, this is exactly where I’m going wrong.
Supposedly, I’m meant to “stop being so picky” and “broaden my horizons”. But how do you do that? How do you rewire everything that switches you on? I get told to lower my standards and give someone a chance. But if it’s not there, it’s not there – right? I know what I want. So why should I, or anyone else as “fussy” as me, settle for less?
Forgive me in thinking this – although, I’m certain that I won’t be alone here – but I am not your average woman. Therefore, I do not want your average man. No offence to those out there I’ve previously dismissed. Honest to God, it’s not you – it’s me. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re just…
…Not what I’m looking for.
You see, I am on a mission to find a superhero. Contrary to what you may think though, he doesn’t wear a cape. He does, however, embody everything that makes him worthy of this esteemed title.
Just like our favourite fictional saviour, he is a man of honour. He has a goal and sets out to achieve it, no matter how tough it may be. He has experienced the lowest of lows, sunk to the very bottom and then learned to soar right to the top. Knowing that life is an uphill battle which can only be conquered with effort, he makes sure he is there when you need him most. Because he knows what it’s like to fall, and he cares that you gain enough strength to keep on climbing, even when he’s not there. He weighs up the importance of what is right and what is wrong and knows that, sometimes, he has to make heart-wrenching sacrifices for the greater good. But everything he does, he does with good reason, and he does it with soul and passion because he believes in his cause. And no matter who or what stands in his way, he will work out a way to make it right.
Unlike some men I’ve met, if he doesn’t turn up, he has a fair explanation. He apologises and he makes up for his absence. Not that anyone could stay mad at a man who saved innocents from a burning building but, he doesn’t use that an excuse to slack off caring. Superhero or not, politeness is a principle that bears no leeway. And if we have a responsibility to another, then we owe them an explanation if we can’t live up to it.
Maybe it’s the modern-day life that has made us this way? I don’t know. All I know is that, whilst real men can’t fly or all be perfect-looking, that isn’t what I’m after. So don’t start thinking this is all about the aesthetics. I’m not solely looking for that. No, I’m looking for what is possessed in the heart.
Show me a man with a keen sense of adventure, a creative drive or passion, the ability to laugh and be silly while also knowing when it’s time to be serious, to be dedicated to the words he pledges and display actions which prove them to be true, and ultimately, show me that he is someone I can finally put my trust into.
Asking for that special someone to be “nice” is like asking for a car to come with a steering wheel – that’s the least I expect from them! But just like when you’re looking for that perfect set of wheels, you know what you’re after.
So friends, trust me when I say that it’s okay to know what you want (even if it’s not quite the standard expectation) and believe it’s achievable. I know my limits but I also know my worth, just like you do. Time is not to be wasted. So I won’t settle for someone who isn’t right for me or me right for them.
Maybe I am looking for Mr Fiction to you. But to me, I know that he is based on something real. And even if that’s like searching for a needle in a haystack, I’m prepared to be patient for it. Because I know he’ll be worth the wait.
So if, by any chance, Mr Fiction, you are out there…
…Come find me?