Everybody Knows This Pain

Sometimes you just want to hit rewind, not only on the day but on your whole life. Start it again armed with the knowledge that making certain moves will change your future. Maybe, if you don’t go there, that won’t happen. Maybe if you don’t have that experience, you’ll see things differently. It’s possible that the memory is the thing causing you to bound and tether yourself to this path. So if that thing was never a part of your life, then maybe the feeling would never exist and you’d be somewhere better. You’d be someone better.

Just, maybe.

Sometimes you just stare out of the window, daydreaming about a different life. You play out stories in your head, conversations with people that don’t exist, discussing matters you wish to have and going to places you wish to see, just so that some of your love can be released. Then, someone or something pulls you back to reality and you have to smile and pretend you’re okay. Admitting the truth is a conversation you don’t wish to have. So the thought stays tucked away, just like your favourite scene from an embarrassing movie, waiting to be played out the next time you’re alone. Forever held as a secret part of your identity.

Sometimes you just want to throw out all of your morals and do whatever you want. Money suddenly means nothing, so you spend every penny you’ve got on something outrageous. You grab the forbidden jar of biscuits because f**k it, you want to eat every single one. Who cares if your favourite jeans won’t fit anymore, who are you trying to impress? Nothing really matters. You have no inclination to care. Today you feel like hell and you don’t want to fake a smile. So instead of going to work like you’re supposed to, replaying the same old journey every day, you get in your car, take hold of the wheel and just drive. Because anywhere has to be better than heading to a destination with no room to breathe.

Sometimes, when all is done and you’ve burned yourself out, you just lie in bed and cry. You think of everything you’ve ever wanted and let the woeful tears just fall from your eyes.

Why is this my life, what has happened to me? Where is my life going – why can’t I see?

And then something changes and you grind to a halt. Something flickers in the distance – a beckoning finger, a light in the dark – calling on you to come.

A glimpse of a life you want plays out. And, for once, it’s not in your head. You’re there and it’s real. You can see it, touch it, and the way it sears through your chest makes you want to cry.

This time though, the tears that fall are wanted.

Oh, how long you have waited for this moment. The one you thought could only remain in your heart.

So you smile and you dance, rejoicing as a part of you long-hidden is finally set free. This is what you wanted. This is what you’d longed for. And now you’re in the midst of the moment, you don’t want it to ever go.

But…it doesn’t stay.

And now it’s gone.

Again, time is up. It’s slipped away.

Reality is calling you.

Yet, when you turn back, there’s a new thought in play. A memory now forged. One you cannot betray.

For while you know things may not have lasted or even been for that long, you also know that the change is possible, and that thought alone will keep you strong.

Because sometimes, life isn’t perfect and our futures seem set.

But as long as we have hope, the game’s not over yet.

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