This is How it Really Feels to be a Creative

Some days I’m up, other days I’m down. I’ll awaken with a sense of urgency in my stomach – ready to take on the world – and my feet will skip with every step as I bounce my way down the sun-drenched path of Happy Street.

Then…there are those down days.

Those days hurt my head like hell.

My heartbeat’s skip turns into cardiac arrest and I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t breathe. The tears I cry choke me like a noose. Everything feels fruitless. Efforts go unrecognised. My emotions plunge from light to dark. I’m overwhelmed and underappreciated. Nothing is working.

I’m stuck.

What am I meant to do? Where am I meant to go from here? Will it always be like this?

I hate my life.

My mind is ravaged with negative thoughts and they spin me like vertigo. The duel between my heart and mind feels like a merciless tug of war. I fear the way I’m wired. It’s all too much to handle. It won’t be long before I break. I think…

I think I don’t want this anymore.

But then…

What’s this? Is that…a ray of hope? Yes! Yes, it is!

Suddenly, I’m defibrillated back to life! My misery is gone and it all seems possible again! My drive is back, my focus is here and it’s on full-charge – nothing can stop me now!

Fear, you whiny bugger, you have failed. Apathy, you suck balls. The pair of you thought you could consume me but you should have known better than to think I’d ever give up on my dreams. Today is my day, now is my time, and I’m going to prove to the world just what I’m made of!

Finally, I feel grateful for the shit I’ve endured. Experiencing it has made me stronger. My will is fixed and my determination is fierce. Everything seems possible, once more!

Oh…wait…not this again.

I spoke too soon.

Finding courage through difficulty is never easy. Life is full of ups and downs, some of which can seem impossible to smile through. Though, external or internal, whatever it is that may be causing you to feel self-doubt or fear should not be caged. Keeping these things locked up tight will only add to the pile. Talk to those who have been where you are and come out the other side. Know that they can and will want to help. However, you must realise there’s no quick fix for a big dream, and that’s okay. The bigger the mountain, the harder it is to climb. Ultimately, this is your passion. Nothing can take away what makes you happy; it’s just not possible. Despite what you tell yourself today, you won’t be able to resist defying your objections tomorrow. And although it may not seem like it right now, time is on your side. You will get there in the end. And even if that’s not where you’d hoped, you’ll always be glad you gave it your best shot.

So keep your chin up, Creative. For the new world will be fashioned by the dreamers. Those with passion will make a difference. Big or small, you are part of that change.

Be proud. 

 

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