Getting everything you want sounds great, right? Well-paying job, perfect family, beautiful big house, nice holidays etc. We can all agree that those things are something us western folk all align with so-called “happiness”. After all, if things do get rough from time to time, it’s probably nicer to mope in a fancy car than in a beat up hunk of junk, eh? But, is that really happiness? You know, the kind that’s inveterate and intrinsic? It should come as no surprise to hear that the types of “happiness” outlined above are not going to satisfy your soul for very long.

With that being said, the next question is then, “How do we achieve something so intangible?” And, “What are we supposed to look for in order to go down the right path?”

Whatever you do, don’t look for happiness as the destination. Happiness fluctuates. Wholeness, however, is a constant.

Happiness is, therefore, not a helpful deciding factor for important life changes or goals.

Why?

Because happiness can also be paradoxical.

Here are the 2 types of “happiness” which delineate this:

1. Happiness in the moment = The one that feels great at the time (such as enjoying a lavish meal or buying yourself a treat), but doesn’t last.
2. Happiness which stimulates purpose = The one that’s formed by making positive connections (community), culminating innovative ideas (creativity) and facing challenges.

Perhaps happiness is a part of our emotional expedition, too. Nevertheless, if we want to grow spiritually, the fanciful type of joy is not the sole dynamic to consider.

This is why we should seek wholeness.

People often ask us “what we want”, but very few say, “what are you willing to struggle for?” Let’s face it. Most of us “want” the same things – more money, travels, romance etc. But not many of us will share the same sacrifices or make the same compromises to achieve them. The same applies to achieving wholeness. Whilst we probably all want to benefit from wholeness, our wellbeing needs purpose to reach that state, and the only driving force behind that is via the second type of happiness. The kind that is akin to the “what are you willing to struggle for?” question. As is obvious, this isn’t always a gleeful journey.

As difficult as some parts are to go through, we are shaped by our voyage to wholeness. This means that we will inevitably endure sadness, frustration and failures, countless times. Arguably, it seems convoluted to believe that these experiences are a part of any happiness. But the triumphant moments are only acquired as an end result of the sacrifices made whilst striving for wholeness, such as prevailing against injustice. The end result may feel good, but the part that teaches us the most is what we faced along the way, how we handled it, and how it changed us. It’s not all about suffering, though.

The pathway to wholeness is an interconnected framework. It’s one that encompasses a mixture of caring for the mind, body and soul, connecting with the world around you and developing emotional tenacity.

Sadly, we’re in a convenience culture that places the same emphasis on the first kind of happiness as it does our “need” for things like fast food and expensive jewellery. It’s the quick option, the easy route, the painless process. But it’s worth remembering that no road ever worth taking had a shortcut, and no incredible adventures ever go without their adversities. The only reason this hedonistic type of happiness is romanticised so much is because it causes problems that our easy-fix culture is all too keen to “solve”. Sometimes, though, we have to go through the hardships to learn valuable life lessons. It’s easy to achieve a fleeting happiness caused by a rush of dopamine. It’s not so easy to achieve a permanent state of wholeness caused by constant grit and determination.

And that’s another important factor to consider. Wholeness is only accomplished as a constant state if we’re willing to maintain the momentum that helped reach it. It’s like a beautiful garden. Landscaping it is the hardest part, but maintenance is also imperative to preserve its beauty.

Speaking of gardens, more often than not, the happiest cultures are the ones that seek wholeness, by putting in the effort to complete tasks just like that. They look after their loved ones, cook healthy meals together, impart wisdom to others, and essentially give all that they can in everything they do. In the West, we’re taught the opposite. And look at us, struggling with our mental health more than ever in a world where everything is more accessible than it ever was. Why? Because there’s now more corruption and apathy as a result of our misaligned perspective. Too many of us are seeking the fleeting kind of happiness, and this is at the expense of others.

So live a life that’s wholesome. Put in your all no matter what the task. Discover the value of simple pleasures. Be virtuous and kind, give not to receive, and love wholeheartedly. Our days on this big blue marble are precious. Make them count.