Step aside Fiat 500 owners who decide to get funky with eyelashes on their headlights, those who have a car powered by fairy dust and the rest who think over-sized dice are a “mod”. Today is the day you are not focal embarrassments on our tarmac. Instead, we shall be pointing the finger to those who use our asphalt as a means for expressing other road users psychic abilities, pushing their “peeved-off” buttons, or just being a muppet.

Ignition switched on, foot on the gas, release the handbrake and prepare for a bumpy ride!

1. Oh look, a give way point, I best stop for the next 5 minutes even though there’s not traffic. *Waits at junction for a lifetime…decides to pull out when car going at 80mph is about to hurtle past*…makes sense!
2. Balancing on the clutch whilst light has been red for 2 minutes. What a skill. But…there is a handbrake, y’know
3. Let’s play “Guess which exit I’m taking?” because it’s all about mind reading on a roundabout. I mean, who wants to ruin this game by using their indicator anyway?
4. Are these wing mirrors on here so my car looks like it has cute ears? Cos I’ve never thought to use them whilst joining the motorway so I can avoid side-smacking someone.
5. Let’s get our Limp Bizkit on and keep rollin’, rollin, rollin’! Wooooahh! I don’t want your car’s jacksie bumping my bonnet, ta.
6. This rear view mirror in my car is so useful for me to do my lippie in! Man, I look good.
7. OHMADAIS, I got a text! *checks whilst driving at speed to nearest McDonald’s to hang out with mates*
8. #carselfie! That is going straight on Snapchat. Wait, I forgot to do a duck face! Re-do!
9. Tailgating…why? You can’t drive over me and you can’t get past. Wait your turn and stop sniffing my exhaust, you perv.
10. When a traffic light is red, I bolt it. When it’s green, I must sit there in bewilderment.

How did we get to the end of this article in one piece? That was one lucky drive. I might need to up my game and race past a speed camera and see if I can beat my last record achievement down that poky 30mph zone.