Step aside Fiat 500 owners who decide to get funky with eyelashes on their headlights, those who have a car powered by fairy dust and the rest who think over-sized dice are a “mod”. Today is the day you are not focal embarrassments on our tarmac. Instead, we shall be pointing the finger to those who use our asphalt as a means for expressing other road users psychic abilities, pushing their “peeved-off” buttons, or just being a muppet.
Ignition switched on, foot on the gas, release the handbrake and prepare for a bumpy ride!
- Oh look, a give way point, I best stop for the next 5 minutes even though there’s not traffic. *Waits at junction for a lifetime…decides to pull out when car going at 80mph is about to hurtle past*…makes sense!
- Balancing on the clutch whilst light has been red for 2 minutes. What a skill. But…there is a handbrake, y’know
- Let’s play “Guess which exit I’m taking?” because it’s all about mind reading on a roundabout. I mean, who wants to ruin this game by using their indicator anyway?
- Are these wing mirrors on here so my car looks like it has cute ears? Cos I’ve never thought to use them whilst joining the motorway so I can avoid side-smacking someone.
- Let’s get our Limp Bizkit on and keep rollin’, rollin, rollin’! Wooooahh! I don’t want your car’s jacksie bumping my bonnet, ta.
- This rear view mirror in my car is so useful for me to do my lippie in! Man, I look good.
- OHMADAIS, I got a text! *checks whilst driving at speed to nearest McDonald’s to hang out with mates*
- #carselfie! That is going straight on Snapchat. Wait, I forgot to do a duck face! Re-do!
- Tailgating…why? You can’t drive over me and you can’t get past. Wait your turn and stop sniffing my exhaust, you perv.
- When a traffic light is red, I bolt it. When it’s green, I must sit there in bewilderment.
How did we get to the end of this article in one piece? That was one lucky drive. I might need to up my game and race past a speed camera and see if I can beat my last record achievement down that poky 30mph zone.