Top 5 Minging Motors (Not in the world, or the year, or decade, or forever…just according to me…right now)
5: The Daihatsu Copen
Number 5
We’re talking the 1st gen, 660cc Japanese roadster. The 2nd generation has upped its game after it manufactured this sardine tin on wheels. With its not so thrilling 0-60 in 11.7 seconds, even under the bonnet was as disappointing as its looks. It is reminiscent of the goofy kid in class. It has googly eyes for headlights, short and buck-toothed with a brace-face grin for a grill and number plate position. If you want a good Japanese roadster, that’s a head turner for all the right reasons, bagsie an MX-5.
4: The Chrysler PT Cruiser
Number 4
Or as I like to refer to it “Chrysler Cruiser, Eye Bruiser” because, man this abomination hurts my eyes! The hatchback, which takes an uncanny resemblance to a nosediving hearse, was created to fit the NHTSA criteria for a light truck for fuel efficiency purposes. However, its look was intended to be similar to that of an old getaway car, or a 30’s hot rod. But to me, it’ll always just burn my eyes.
3: Kia Soul
Number 3
Massive “wtf, mate” to Mr Mike Torpey, who as a new member of the design team at Kia, decided to help shed artistic vision with this compact car. He must have lost the plot, as it originated from a caricature of “a boar wearing a backpack”…and its link to being a good car? Because a boar has strength and capability, despite its small stature. I think these guys may have been overthinking so much on the car’s attitude, that they missed the point completely. No one wants to ride a boar, wearing a backpack…on wheels.
2: Nissan Cube
Number 2
Now, these mini MPV’s seem to have rotted more as the generations have gone on. And my favourite from the Nissan Cube gene pool has to be the 3rd gen. With its flat face for a bonnet, awkwardly curvy-but-square shaping, and the most ridiculous asymmetrical back window design, it takes 2nd place on the ugly chart. Granted, it is practical for unloading thanks to the rear hatch that’s hinged to open along its vertical axis, towards the curb. It has 5 seats shaped like a jacuzzi oval, for sociability. And, I suppose you can see out the back pretty well. But still, what are those buttons for hubs? Is it a minibus meets van-car hybrid mutation? If I want to socialise, I’ll go to the pub. When I want to drive, I’ll take a proper car, cheers.
1: Fiat Multipla
Number 1
AHHHHH!!!! WHAT IS THIS THING?!?! I’ll still never get over the striking appearance of this car (and not in a good way) Meet my numero uno. I’m not entirely sure how its design got into the Museum of Modern Art, or how it won Top Gear’s “Car of the Year” four years on the trot, or why everyone is blind to its mingingness. But what I do know is that this Brava based beast should go away until the next full moon beckons it back. Just plain eww!
And a few other uglies that didn’t quite make the list, but should also be recognised as worthy nominees…Citroen Dyane, Reliant Robin, Fiat Cinquecento, Pontiac Aztek, Fiat 500L and many more.
Thank you for reading and apologies for violating your mind with these grim looking vehicles.
Sacha Kurucz 