SEX! Have I Got Your Attention?

My mouth hangs agape, my eyes bulge with curiosity to the view, all the while continuously fighting my brain’s knee-jerk reaction to shut them and turn off the TV. Instead, I persevere with what I am watching, feeling a mixture of both shock and slight sickness, showcased solely in the tilting of my head and skewed expression. I felt like David Attenborough stumbling in on the wrong programme and having to get past an emotional barrier to narrate the most visceral act of humankind, even though it’s nearly causing my lunch to make a reappearance.

Before you start wondering if I was watching blue movies, I will happily reassure you that my lunchtime viewing is not that explicit. Instead, I was watching a new box set series called “Girls”. It sounded harmless enough. Kind of like a modern day Sex and the City, if you like. In all fairness to it, the show in itself is alright so far. But, that scene just penetrated my mind and emotional state so deeply, that I could feel myself getting physically stressed. Silly, right?

Allow me to set the scene. For those of you who are sensitive (or who’ve recently eaten), I’d advise you to look away before your active imagination gets the better of your gut’s reactions.

The juxtaposition begins with couple 1. They are both pretty average looking, and in a pretty unhygienic, dingy and rather beige apartment. The bedsheets are creased from copious activity and absence of a good launder. The girl is lying on her back. Looking up at her is…well, he isn’t a boyfriend, so we’ll just call him her FB. He is at a more upwards stance on the bed, taking control of the situation in both physical and verbal. She’s talking about her career, meanwhile, he is rather ferociously grinding her and digressing from her words. He soon tires of her chat and moves her body to a position best for him to “get off” over, whilst not having to look at her and to cease her idle words. He is rough. He is violently vocal. He is fast. She just takes it. The scene is over once he’s finished.

Then we quickly switch to couple 2 who couldn’t be more the polar opposite. They have been an item for 4 years, yet their sexual display is as naïve as a virgin’s first pop of the cherry. He is slow and cautious, almost like he is making love to a woman so fragile that she’ll turn to dust if he goes any faster. However, despite the passionless and bland lovemaking, he seems to be enjoying himself. She, however, couldn’t look any further from that. If you could’ve cut the screen in half and just show her face, then your guess as to what she was doing could’ve been “Looking at someone’s long toenails?”; she was so far from horny, it was almost hilarious. For a bit of excitement, she ups the ante and asks him to do her doggy style, although he comments that he thought she didn’t like that as she usually compares herself to a “piggy bank”. His cautious approach is far more awkward than endearing. The scene ends with his face overwhelmed with pleasure, whilst hers looked as though someone had farted in it.

You’re probably curious as to why I wrote an article scrutinising the passion of today’s youth, but here’s my thinking. As a woman who’s been left to her own devices for a very long time, I didn’t even consider that the next time I may be able to explore my sexual side that I’d have to potentially experience either of those situations. In fact, as a single woman you often get lost in your own construct and desires, and with no comparison or ability to share those thoughts, you don’t deny them as anything but perfect. But, maybe what I imagine as good and someone else does are the complete antithesis? That fills me with absolute dread. Imagine meeting the person who seems to tick all the boxes, and you get on like a house on fire, then you feel like it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. You know everything about this person’s heart and mind, but absolutely nothing about their sexual prowess. All will be revealed right now, in that very moment, and any wrong move will be discovered a little awkwardly too late.

So, why is sex such a taboo topic? Why are we so afraid of revealing our likes and dislikes in the boudoir? I’m not saying it’s something you need discuss over tea and scones, but for crumb’s sake, we’re in the 21st century, people! If we can’t talk about sex with those we want to have sex with, then how will we ever know what to do? Sure, you can watch countless amateur pornos and try and suss out oral techniques via bullet-pointed articles, but if everyone likes it differently, then what’s the point? If you’re a secret dominatrix and your partner’s as cripplingly embarrassing in the sack as American Pie’s Jim Levenstein, then you might want to find that out before you have the most devastating lovemaking, rather than during.

Times have changed and I believe that sex is not a topic that should be absent from a couple’s conversation, or have it as indicative of pure lust. Sex is another subject that needs to be divulged, not exclusively, but still discussed. I mean, you wouldn’t buy a car you liked the look of but had no idea about its specifications or performance, would you? You do your research!

Just remember that before you take it for a spin that you are ready for the ride…as it may not be what you’re expecting.

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