Isn’t it ironic that, when we want to find ourselves, we choose to get lost in something – books, music, film, art, nature. There’s something intrinsically valuable about letting go of everything inside just to see if you can trace what it is you lost along the way, using these endeavours like a compass. They may not solve all of your problems or complete you, but elements of yourself that needed accessing are no longer buried beneath shadows. They are given light, and so are you, to own how you feel about them. Rightly or wrongly so, there’s freedom in making that choice, especially in a world full of contradiction.

But with us all being told to follow these societal rules and beliefs, how is a person meant to exercise autonomy? And these constructs are mutable. So why do we follow them? Why do we let them govern our thoughts, making us feel guilty if we’re inclined to go against the grain, when – one day in the future – it’ll probably be a redundant “right” or “wrong” anyway?

Yet, here we stand, listening to the conjectures of others who hold their authority in great reverence, and we take them as fact. We choose to flock with the majority vote, even if our gut tells us otherwise, because that would make us rebels, and no one respects someone who’s going to stir up trouble.

“Trouble”

Or awaken them to a new age of thinking…

I suppose there’s a safety in following the rules, though. A sense of innate comfort in thinking you are being a good person by sticking to them, or a strong person, or a kind one. It is deeply ingrained in our psyches to be liked and accepted, so to create such a cultural insurrection runs its major risks. One, that you’ll be hated, and two, that you’ll be wrong. And neither of these options are great.

But, eventually, when life has managed to chew you up and spit you back out, your heart no longer beats the same. That truth can’t be denied. And you can’t achieve things with the ease you once did, or see things so black and white. Everything has shades of grey now, and that context can’t be ignored. It can’t be hidden. It must be explored. For example:

Being flawless isn’t so easy when you’re in pain

Being strong isn’t so easy when you’ve been broken

Speaking out isn’t so easy when you’ve been shut down

And owning your emotions isn’t so easy when you’re told repeatedly that thoughts aren’t fact

How cruel it is to make us feel like we need these ever-changing rules to follow, because we’re too stupid or corrupt to make rational judgements on our own. How are we meant to have valid feelings whilst being gaslit by the same authorities that tell us they’re fictitious, or catastrophised. What if we’re just…right?

My God. No. In this world of toxic positivity, there’s no such thing as being right about seeing a bad thing as exactly what it is. It’s not a bad event, you’re just seeing it wrong. It’s not bad behaviour, that’s just your perception. Well, isn’t it always just that? Even from a positive angle, it’s still just a perception. And I don’t think that stigmatising sadness is the correct way to find the true ethics behind something. That takes context, assessment, and acknowledging the person who is going to live with the consequences of that feat. Fuck what’s right or wrong for society. These personal moments don’t affect society, they affect you. So do what’s right FOR YOU.

Let’s face it, the people that seem to suffer the least amount of mental carnage are those that throw caution to the wind anyway. They don’t care whether they’re liked or respected, right or wrong, they just do what they do and that’s the end of it. Some of those people have gone down in history for all the wrong reasons, yes, but I bet they weren’t kept awake at night, feeling all of those societal pressures they’re supposed to live up to and ending up totally unstable as a result.

But for those of us with a conscience, what’s most frustrating about this era is that we make out perfect lives, looks and whatnot as not realistic, and yet, we still portray them as idealistic. This is the reason we’re in such a mess. We see this, it perpetuates and permeates through our modern-day culture, and it continues to live on in our heads. We know that looking fresh isn’t easy when your anxiety stops you sleeping regularly, yet we demonise the human element anyway – dark circles, breakouts, a drawn face. We call them “flaws”, when instead, they are just consequences of burnout; a burnout we are constantly reinforcing with these insane beliefs. But we must be desirable, which means removing all “flaws”, which subsequently means pretending you’re ok.

Even in a world that speaks the adage, “It’s okay not to be okay.” Beneath that banner is the complete antithesis.

Perhaps, only those who’ve gone through an incredible amount of trauma will relate to this. After all, ignorance is bliss. But this is my way of manifesting a much-needed change of view our modern world needs. Let’s be realistic, not idealistic. The latter is reserved for people who can afford to dream.